How to create more spaciousness

As you may know, it's my mission to help women leaders reclaim their time and rediscover wellness.


I hear from many of you that you're pressed for time, too busy, and often overwhelmed. 


Time is such a precious thing.


How can we shift the way we think and act to make more time for the things that are most important?


Personally, this shift has included the intention of creating more SPACIOUSNESS in my life.


Creating more spaciousness allows me to consistently practice healthy habits. 


Creating more spaciousness allows me to easily insert moments of self-healing – like a candlelit bath, a 5-minute meditation, or a long walk on the beach – as the need arises.


Here are 3 tips to help you expand your precious time and make more room for simple pleasures:

1. BODY: take up more space and time with expansive posture and communication

As social psychologist Amy Cuddy shares in her awesome book (Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges) and TED Talk (Your body language may shape who you are), having expansive posture does three things:

• changes your physiology (increases testosterone and decreases cortisol, helping you feel more confident and calm)

• changes your perception of yourself (increases self-trust)

• changes the way others perceive you

Imagine if you could spend a little more time training your body – through strength, cardio and mobility exercises – to be more expansive all the time?!

And with that extra confidence and energy, you could take your time curating clearer communication, to maximize your impact on the world around you. 

Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin, ex-lawyer and founder of The Gaia Leadership Project, calls this the "Big Inhale" in her fantastic WNORTH talk, New Paradigm Women's Leadership.

She shares 9 pivot points for this new paradigm and the last one "is about owning our power," says says, "and a big part of that is about the willingness to take up space.

"Before I walk into a room that I have not occupied, before before I sit down at a table that I have not sat down at before, I have this thing in my body that goes [BIG INHALE ] and I literally physically take up more space.

"We are all being called to take the deep inhale that takes us to the next level of sharing our gifts with the world."



2. MIND: get more focused and present by using meditation to slow down time

Meditation is such a short and simple (and FREE) tool to transform your mind – and I truly hope you'll give it a try if it isn't something you've been able to get into before!

Everything changed for me when I discovered Buddhist meditation teacher and author of Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program, Sharon Salzberg.

Her simple breathing meditation focuses on “breath” vs. “not-breath”.

I’d wanted to practice meditation for years before I discovered her, and valued the gift of mindfulness, but struggled to be “good” at it because I thought I had to clear my mind completely to “do it right”.

Salzberg’s advice was revolutionary: It’s not not having thoughts that’s the goal, it’s recognizing that you’re having a thought and then getting back on track.

The practice is to focus on breathing in and out (you can label your inhale “in” and exhale “out” for a point of focus), and when you notice that you’re no longer doing that, label whatever you are thinking or feeling as “not-breath” and return to thinking about your breath, in and out.

This teaches your brain how to stay on track, so that when you get off track, you can quickly catch yourself and come back to the present moment and all of it’s deliciousness. So simple! So powerful.



3. SCHEDULE: say no to create more space in your day

How many times a day do you comply with things you don't want to do?

How many times a day do you waste time doing something that doesn't really serve you?

How would your life be different if you started saying NO more often – to yourself and others?

Refer back to my March 8 newsletter, Ready To Feel More Liberated?, to set yourself free from relentless busyness with the practice of opting out – to write both internal and external scripts for saying NO.  

 

Wishing you more spaciousness – in body, mind and schedule!

Highlights, hard moments and staying positive

Last week, at the Ted Baker x The Forum Women's History Month event, The Forum's CEO Paulina Cameron asked Blume's CEO Karen Danudjaja and I to share some highlights and hard moments, as women entrepreneurs, from the last few rollercoaster years – and to discuss how we kept our mindset positive.


Below, I'll share my answers – and I'd love to hear yours:
 

• What has been a recent professional highlight for you?
   

• What has been a recent professional hard moment for you?
   

• What did you do to keep your mindset positive?

My professional highlights:
 

• Welcoming 34 incredible guests to my largest wellness retreat ever at the Oak Bay Beach Hotel in January!
   

• Travelling to Los Angeles for a week in February to participate in Wonderwell's Big Leap book-planning retreat – and getting many, many steps closer to my dream of writing a book!
   

• Welcoming 12 amazing women leaders to my sold out Spring 2023 Women's Coaching Circle in March!

My professional hard moments:
 

• Returning to work, after nearly 3 years of mat leave, on March 1, 2020... only to resume full-time childcare for nearly another year and having to pivot my in-person business to an online platform
   

• Learning how to manage a growing business as a solo entrepreneur while keeping my business hours within kindergarten time so I can still do pick-up, drop-off, afternoon activities, and serve an early dinner
   

• Committing to prioritizing my Zone of Genius by practicing my AM rituals, fiercely protecting my time in the mornings, and being much more efficient with the rest of my professional and household duties

How I keep my mindset constructive (and YOU can too):

(I prefer the word constructive to positive as sometimes negative thinking can also help us move forward by illuminating what's not working) 
 

• AM/PM rituals

  • The way I begin and end each day is critical to maintaining a constructive mindset.

  • From our 5pm dinnertime on, I begin to wind down and prepare myself for an amazing sleep by reducing my mental, physical, nutritional and light stress, and spending time in the serene sanctuary of my bathroom and bedroom. 

  • My PM rituals help me sleep well and wake up naturally around 5am so that I have about 90 minutes to myself to move, meditate and journal before my daughter wakes up and we begin our family AM rituals of cuddling, playing, breakfast, dog walk, and walking or biking to school.
     

• Anti-sedentary revolution

  • Physical activity is one of the best ways to manage stress, support immunity and spark creativity, so I weave movement throughout my day – with an AM workout and dog walk, active transport to school, little bursts of housework to break up the time sitting at my computer, afternoon dog walk, active transport from school, and usually another playground play, neighbourhood walk, yoga practice, swim date, or bike ride.
     

• Love, gratitude and abundance

  • Our brain's negativity bias makes it really easy to catalogue and focus on everything that's bad, but simple practices like connecting with people you love, writing down what you're grateful for, and taking inventory of everything that's good, can grow what I call your "positivity antennae" so that you can maintain a more accurate and positive big-picture mindset.

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Wishing you many more highlights and a constructive mindset to get you through the hard times.

My 5-year-old's bedtime routine

This can help YOU even if you don't have kids.

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Is bedtime a positive or frustrating experience in your home? 


Do you struggle to get your kid(s) to sleep?


Even if you don't have kids, you can use the information below to upgrade your own bedtime routine!


Winding down is important for everyone, no matter your age. 


Modern life often contradicts our natural circadian rhythm – the 24-hour clock our body is designed to function on. 


Disruption of our natural circadian rhythm can lead to hormone imbalances.


Two hormones key to sleep quality and quantity are cortisol and melatonin – which are inversely proportional, i.e. one must be low for the other to be high. 


Optimal physiology sees cortisol at it's highest when we wake and it's lowest as we prepare to sleep. 


Stress – in the form of light, sound, mental load, worry, anxiety, diet and physical activity – keeps cortisol high, and therefore melatonin low, which is not ideal for sleep.


So, in order to wind down, we must consider our overall stress load and reduce it as much as possible wherever we can:

• Sound: turn off notifications, mute devices, stick with soothing or no music
   

• Mental: unload your mind onto a list, share your worries with a trusted someone, think about the things you're grateful for to shift your mindset from stressed to safe
   

• Diet: save any sugary snacks for earlier in the day and cease eating and drinking at least 90-minutes before bedtime
   

• Physical activity: try to move a lot throughout the day (to help manage stress), keep heart-pumping activities for morning and afternoon, and stick to gentle movements from dinner on
   

• Light: turn off screens, dim indoor lights, close blackout curtains

"Infants raised in our post-modern world face adverse external circadian signals, such as artificial light, which may increase interference with the physiological mechanisms that promote circadian synchronization," says a recent paper in the Journal of Physiological Anthropology. "Light is the strongest environmental time cue to our internal clocks and exposing the developing clock to non-optimal lighting may have disruptive and long-lasting effects."


How much sleep does your child need?


According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, "Every child is different – some sleep a lot and others much less."


The information below is the CPS's "general guide to the amount of sleep children need over a 24-hour period, including nighttime sleep and daytime naps":

• Infants (4-12 months old)  –  12-16 hours 

• Toddlers (1-2 years old)  –  11-14 hours 

• Children (3-5 years old)  –  10-13 hours 

• Children (6-12 years)  –  9-12 hours

• Teenagers (13-18 years old)  –  8-10 hours

• [Adults (18+ years old)  –  7-9 hours]

Winding down, so that we can all have a good sleep, is a big deal at our place!


And the reward: 12-13 hours (straight!) of sleep each night for our daughter, and 7-8 hours for us (closer to 7 for me and closer to 8 for my husband). 
 

Here's our nightly schedule:

(which follows our daily schedule of getting plenty of fresh air, natural light, physical activity, hydration and good nutrition in the morning and early afternoon)

1. Finish screen time at least 2 hours before lights out (4pm is our weekend cut-off, and no screens on weekdays).

2. Dim all lights throughout home (dimmer switches are an amazing investment). 

3. Mealtime communion without distractions (#diningroomdeviceban: no TV, no phones, no devices of any kind – just fully present connection and nourishment). 

4. No food or drink after dinner (we usually start dinner before 5pm). 

5. Soothing sanctuary in the bathroom for teeth brushing and bath time (cuddles, calm voices, and maybe a lavender candle).

6. Soothing sanctuary in the bedroom for story time (cuddles and gentle voices for 15-25 minutes of reading).

7. One last pee (empty bladders help you sleep through the night!).

8. Lights out and lullabies in the dark (reassuring parental presence for transition to darkness, between 6:00-6:15pm)

9. Good night, I love you so much!! (Now it's time to celebrate some adult time before your bedtime!!)
 

What's your nightly schedule?


Do you generally stick to the same routine on weekdays and weekends?


Through some trial and error, we are pretty rigid with our nightly routine – it's just not worth the impact a poor sleep has on the following day. 


There are very few grumpy mornings in our home, and I really think our sleep schedule is largely to thank for that. 


I hope that you found something helpful here today!


Wishing you restful nights – and cheerful mornings :)

You Are An Influencer

I often think about the influence I have on the people around me.


It's why I'm passionate about teaching others to co-regulate (check out my December 2021 newsletter for more on co-regulation).


My influence on the people around me is one of the biggest motivating factors to get up early most mornings and practice my AM rituals – hydrate, exercise, meditate, journal and breakfast – before I connect with others.


So, I was stoked to recently see Jillian Harris' TEDxWhistler talk, You are an influencer, because she shares some really important points on influence:
 

"We all hold the power of great influence.

"You have the power to positively make an impact without even knowing it.

"In every action, inaction and reaction there is power. 

"Influence is empathy, influence is compassion, influence is forgiveness.

"And while influence can enrich your own life, influence is striving to create a better world for all."
 

You can watch Harris' awesome 12-minute TED Talk here:

Are You Ready To Feel More Liberated?

Are you ready to feel more liberated?


It's my mission to help liberate ourselves from suffering!


(And no you don't need to do nude cartwheels at the beach in subzero weather, that’s just my personal preference 🤩)


To be liberated is to "show freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas" or to be "freed from imprisonment".


For years, I created an invisible prison with my mind.


Partly it wasn't my fault – my brain's negativity bias, left unchecked, amplified everyday and extraordinary challenges, plus the culture I was raised in told me I shouldn't want things I wanted and must strive for things I did not.


And partly it was – my wellness practices were seriously lacking and the absence of proper exercise, sleep and nutrition created a pretty icky interior landscape (i.e. SUFFERING).


One day, desperate to feel better, I set the intention to become more LIBERATED. 


That intention guided me to take action in achieving a more joyful way of being. 


This is what I want for YOU!


Here are 3 ways to set yourself free from suffering. I hope they serve you!

1. Liberation from mental misery

THE PRACTICES: gratitude + discontent

As mentioned above, much of our suffering comes from our mind, our mindset, the way we think. Fortunately, we hold a lot of power here! Through the practice of mindfulness, we can become more aware of what's going on in our mind and CHOOSE to change it. 

The practice of gratitude – thinking about what's good, what's working, what's positive – not only changes your mind, it physically changesyour brain! It wires you to become better at taking in the good, feeling the abundance, relishing the joyfulness.

The practice of discontent – thinking about what'snotgood, what'snotworking, what'snotpositive – also changes your mind and brain. It wires you to become better at noticing your dissatisfaction and course-correcting. 

TAKE ACTION:  write down (in bullet points or longform) 5-21 items of gratitude, and 1-3 items of discontent (the ratio of gratitude to discontent is important!).



2. Liberation from body animosity 

THE PRACTICES: celebration + reverence

Feeling hostile toward our own bodies is a major source of suffering for so many humans. If we can shift the experience of our body inward – instead of focusing outward, on how we think our body "should" look – we can tap into a different experience of the miraculous vessel we're given to live our one and only life on planet earth!

The practice of celebration is to acknowledge something special: YOUR BODY! Your body can do so many special things! It can lift and push and pull things! Turn food into nourishment (and the leftovers into poop)! Repair itself from all kinds of damage, wear and tear! Maybe you can even do one of those kick-ass, two-finger whistles!

The practice of reverence is to have deep respect for something: YOUR BODY! Consider, with awe, the pleasure your body is capable of, the things it can create (maybe babies! wow!), the activities it enables you to do (like cook for those you love, have exciting hobbies, excel in your career)!

TAKE ACTION: write down (in bullet points or longform) 3-7 reasons to celebrate and have reverence for your body.



3. Liberation from relentless busyness

THE PRACTICES: rest + opting out

The practice of rest is to note where you're feeling depleted, and inject more relaxation (even just 1 minute) into that space. Can you work in transition periods between work and home, or home and school – can you walk to/from work/school? can you set a timer in your car to take 10 deep breaths before you step into your home? can you savour a cup of tea? can you extend your morning routine to include more self-care? can you disconnect from work, emails and social media to deeply wind down before bedtime?

The practice of opting out is to write both internal and external scripts for saying NO. What short, simple and clear messages can you say to yourself and speak to others to convey a definitive no? External scripts you share with friends, family or colleagues might sound like, "Sorry I can't." or "My plate is currently full." Internal scripts you say to yourself might sound like, "I know that choice won't serve me" or "I'm choosing to rest now" or "I don't need to buy anything to feel worthy and whole."

TAKE ACTION: write down (in bullet points or longform) how you chose to rest and opt out, and how it made you feel to take action

Wishing you liberation, freedom and joy!

5 ways to build resilience through discomfort

Hello!

Did you see my post last week about our SNOWY bike ride to school?

Once I was home with a hot cup of tea and dry clothes, I spent some time reflecting on why discomfort is so good for you.

Research backs up the importance of being uncomfortable (I've included a few resources below).

I try to model this mindset to my daughter by practicing it myself.

As we flew downhill, our faces pelted with sleet and our fingers freezing, we found joy in the discomfort and laughed at how alive we felt!

As I dropped her off at school, before hugging, kissing, and telling her how much I love her, we reflected on how great it felt to have pushed our bodies, and celebrated how strong we are.

When we stretch ourselves, mentally or physically – and create space for rest, recovery and reflection – the discomfort is often a gateway to greater strength, wisdom and success.

Think of the last time you pushed your body to exercise, or the last time you stuck with a challenging mental exercise: how did you feel afterwards?

Confident! Capable! Powerful!

It’s important to recognize and question discomfort because it’s often just a ceiling we need to smash, not something to back away from.

Mindfully moving through discomfort is also a great way to build resilience.

Resilience (noun): the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.

Recovering from difficulties is a skill we can practice!

Below, I’m sharing 5 ways to build resilience through discomfort.

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But first, a quick reminder there’s still time to register for my next WOMEN'S COACHING CIRCLE!

The CIRCLE is a 12-week journey for women leaders to be celebrated, supported and witnessed as you reestablish boundaries so that you can have more joy, more happiness, more ease; and rediscover wellness through simple tools to help you sleep better, get fit, and feel nourished.

REGISTER HERE!

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Now, 5 ways to build resilience through discomfort:

1. Be cold (and hot): cold plunge, sauna/steam, get outdoors in wind, rain and snow, use your AC/heating at home a little less, exercise until you sweat.

2. Challenge your body: run fast, lift heavy, jump/skip/hop, walk far, swim far, do more gardening/yardwork/housework, bike to work/school, learn a new dance.

3. Challenge your mind: have hard conversations, challenge your beliefs, sit with your thoughts, feel your feelings.

4. Feel hunger: try circadian fasting, i.e. not eating between dinner and breakfast, for a total of 12-16 hours (most nights I eat dinner at 5:30pm and then fast until breakfast at 7:30am).

5. Do something hard thing first: do at least one impactful thing to move toward your goals BEFORE you check social media, respond to emails, etc.

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There are so many more ways to get out of your comfort zone! What's a practice that you have?

Here's to acknowledging and transcending the discomfort of personal growth as we expand our strength, wisdom and success!

Check out these resources if you want to learn more about the power of discomfort:

• The Secret to Happiness? Thinking About Death. "In an excerpt from his new book ‘The Comfort Crisis,’ journalist Michael Easter travels to Bhutan to learn about how confronting death head-on can lead to a more fulfilled life" | Outside Magazine

• Why Discomfort Can Be So Good for You. "There's a good reason so many people embrace cobblestones and free weights." | Psychology Today

• Why You Should Stay In Your Discomfort Zone. "You stand to gain a great deal from going past your current comfort level." | Forbes

• Get Comfortable with Feeling Uncomfortable. "Discomfort is expected when taking on new challenges. Our research suggests that seeing discomfort as a sign of progress and actually seeking it out can boost your motivation in these situations" | Behavioral Scientist

Ready for 12 weeks of reflection & revision?

I'm excited to offer you the opportunity to have an accountability partner while you integrate the powerful habit of REFLECTION.

Working with a coach offers scheduled pauses – to step out of your busy life and slow down so that you can commit to:

• reflecting on what's working, and what's not working

• revising your daily schedule to include self-care

• creating & stating boundaries to make space for wellness

My 12-Week Women's Coaching Circle provides this opportunity.

Each week, for 12 weeks from March 31 to June 16, we will alternate between private and group sessions, to reflect on how we can reclaim our time and rediscover wellness.

These circles are intimate groups of just 5 women leaders, so there's plenty of time for individual and group reflection.

Our expanded learning journey will help you reestablish boundaries so that you can have more joy, more happiness, more ease; and rediscover wellness through simple tools to help you sleep better, get fit, and feel nourished.

During the odd Weeks (1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and 11) you will receive 45-minute private coaching sessions to get super clear on what steps you need to take, and how.

During the even weeks we will cover The Life Delicious' complete curriculum together, so that you're equipped with the latest, evidence-based wellness practices – and can share with each other your successes and struggles:

• Week 2 – Module 1: SLEEP

• Week 4 – Module 2: MINDSET

• Week 6 – Module 3: MOVEMENT

• Week 8 – Module 4: RELATIONSHIPS

• Week 10 – Module 5: NUTRITION

• Week 12 – Closing Ceremony

One of the most important things you can do for your wellbeing is PAUSE.

You already have all of the answers inside of you!

You just need to create space to listen.

It's time to reclaim your time and rediscover wellness – which starts with listening to what you truly need!

The Women's Coaching Circle holds space for this discovery.

***Monday, March 21 is the last day to register.

Are you practicing the Daily Pause?

I'm forever trying to boil down what I teach to the most concise and concentrated version, so it's of the highest service to you.

I've always said that my curriculum in one word would be MINDFULNESS – being conscious of how our thoughts, words and actions make us feel.

And a critically important piece of mindfulness is the PAUSE.

Pausing is going inward to ask reflective questions like:

• what is serving me?

• what is not working?

• what do I need to change?

• what would honour my fullest self?

• how do I want to show up in the world?

• am I acting in alignment with my true self?

• what would my wiser self suggest I do now?

• do I need to expand my identity to move toward my best self?

One of the most important things we can do for our wellbeing is PAUSE – in stillness and in action – because we already have all of the answers inside of us.

We just need to create space to listen.

We need to practice reflection in both stillness and in action.

In stillness:

• meditation

• journaling

• visioning

In action:

• physical activity, especially in nature – walking, running, hiking, swimming, biking, paddling, gardening, etc

The majority of my clients are working mothers, women leaders with frenetic schedules and too little self-care – giving and giving and giving, without replenishing.

It's time for us all to reclaim our time and rediscover wellness – which starts with listening to what we truly need.

When the Daily Pause is missing from my self-care practices, everything feels like so much more of a struggle. There's a feeling dissonance – a lack of harmony – from acting out of alignment with what serves me in embodying my values of TRUTH, LOVE and JOY.

I created my new YouTube series, The 7-Minute Workout for Mind-Body-Spirit, as a REFLECTIVE PRACTICE that incorporates movement, meditation and writing!

You can see all 6 episodes below.

Putting Your Body First: Breath, Posture, Movement & Exercise

Are you putting your body first today?

Did you know that moving your body can set you up for a day where you feel more calm, confident, creative and collaborative? 

Putting your body first reduces stress, builds resilience, boosts learning and memory, instills confidence and self-trust, sparks joy, increases desire, and so much more!

Having a consistent morning routine that includes some kind of physical activity – even better if it's outside – is having good brain hygiene.

Your brain (and every other organ in your body) needs you to move so that it can function optimally. 

Moving – through strength, endurance and flexibility exercises, and good old physical activity (walking, biking, housework, sex!) – benefits your nervous system, circulatory system, lymphatic system, metabolic system, digestive system, endocrine system. All the systems!

In the above video for Day 1 of UNLEASH 2022, a 5 day workshop series from my amazing business coach Brenda Rigney highlighting some of the guest mentors for her 12-month group coaching program called Aligned AF, I share 6 important ways to put your body first:

1. Breath

2. Posture

3. Physical activity

4. Strength

5. Endurance

6. Flexibility

If you want to make an impact with the work you do, and live a happy life fueled by vitality, you don't have time to put your body second – or third, or last.

Shift your mindset to put your body first. 

TLD Intel: February 2022

Intelligence: the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.

TLD Intel: a monthly roundup of events, articles, books, videos and podcasts to help you live The Life Delicious!

I just got back from my annual wellness retreat at the Oak Bay Beach Hotel and it was AWESOME.

I hope you can join us for the next one from January 27-30, 2023!!

It was truly an incredible experience, after 2 years of very little in-person social gatherings, to come together with an amazing group of like-minded people to talk about wellness and share our plans to live a happier, healthier, more mindful life.

And it was so wonderful to stay in Canada’s #1 hotel and be totally pampered – with incredible rooms and views (the sunrises were epic!!) – and be so well nourished with truly divine food (and not have to do the dishes!!).

Sunrise views from my Ocean View guestroom

One of my takeaways was the reinforced belief that a good life rests on a strong foundation of mindful, simple pleasures:

✨connection to nature

✨connection to others

✨connection to self

✨good food

✨good sleep

✨plenty of physical activity

✨quiet moments to reflect on what really matters, what’s working, what’s not working, and to take in all of the good


Meaningful work that excites and energizes you is another pleasure that makes life good. I am so grateful to do what I do!!

Weaving pleasure throughout your life makes the painful, difficult, hard moments more manageable.

>>> How do you weave pleasure into daily living?

Here’s to living the good life!


Now, onto my Top 3 picks for February 2022:

1. PODCAST: Dr. James Hollis – What Is Wanting to Find Expression Through You? | Sounds True: Insights at the Edge

"In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Dr. James Hollis, an author, Jungian analyst, former director of the Jung Society of Washington, DC, and a professor of Jungian Studies for Saybrook University of San Francisco/Houston, about the journey for personal fulfillment — how it starts, what it demands, and how it changes your life. James explains what it really means to take responsibility for your life's path, as well as how you can rediscover and reclaim your innate authority. Tami and James discuss how childhood experiences shape our present behavior and what it takes to live fearlessly. Finally, they talk about overcoming lethargy and the joy of becoming comfortable with mysteries."

2. PODCAST: REAL, JOYFUL SEX with Emily Nagoski  |  We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle

 "Author and sex educator Emily Nagoski, talks with us about how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives:
1. How our sex issues are totally normal—we’re all worrying about the same things; 2. Why more than 75% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone—and why Glennon thinks the world doesn’t want us to know that; 3. The single factor that is most predictive of strong sustained sexual connection over time; 4. How Abby’s still healing after a lifetime in locker rooms spent comparing her body to other women’s bodies. Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling COME AS YOU ARE and THE COME AS YOU ARE WORKBOOK, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller BURNOUT: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies."

3. ARTICLE: Pleasure is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for overall wellbeing – Tips for Erotic Living | Psychology Today
"The first step in creating pleasure in and out of the bedroom is to cultivate a pleasure mindset. Pleasure is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for overall wellbeing. The subtitle of my book says it all: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. Designate time and space for feel-good fun. Block off a few hours each week to harness your attention and cultivate a healthy hedonism practice. Healthy hedonism is anything that feels good and is good for you. It needn’t involve masturbation or sex of any kind. Good sex–even with ourselves–starts outside the bedroom, and healthy hedonism primes the pleasure mindset. If you have trouble sorting out how to prime your pleasure pump, just stay with the question: I wonder what could feel good and be good for me? When we pose these kinds of questions, they can cook up in the crockpot of our awareness, stimulating our inner resources such that the creative juices–and new solutions–bubble up."

Building Powerful Rituals Into Your Daily Routine

IMAGE: www.jenndispirito.com

Have you ever done a future self meditation?

It's an inspiring exercise to imagine the highest and most vital version of yourself in 10, 15 or 20 years, that I was shown at the start of my coaching career.

But I have since discovered an even more powerful visualization, via my amazing business coach Brenda Rigney's 12-month Aligned AF group coaching program.

That powerful visualization is psychotherapist Linda Graham's Wiser Self Meditation.

“This wiser self is really an embodiment of our own intuitive wisdom," says Graham.

“The wiser self is an imaginary figure, evoked through guided visualization – real to the brain – who embodies the positive qualities that would lead to resilience and well-being: wisdom, courage, patience and perseverance," she says.

“This wiser self is someone who truly cares for you and offers you their understanding, support and guidance to help you change and grow."

There was something so moving, so motivating, about meeting my wiser self.

It felt so real.

I had seen myself achieve my goals on such a visceral level.

The exercise has had positive, lasting effects.

I hope you'll try it!

And for some tips on the daily rituals that will help you grow into your wiser self, check out my talk from WNORTH Conference 2017, Your Future Self Will Thank You: Building powerful rituals into your daily routine.

The Science of Habit: What does it take to stick with something long term? You just have to rewire your brain.

I’m thrilled to be included as an expert on the science of habit in this Healthline article, by Stacey McLachlan, alongside neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez and psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner Dr. Tom Kannon!

You’ll learn how habits are formed, the power of “why”, and 10 tools to start a new habit (or break a old one).

Read "The Science of Habit" here: www.healthline.com/health/the-science-of-habit

TLD Intel: January 2022

Intelligence: the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.

TLD Intel: a monthly roundup of events, articles, books, videos and podcasts to help you live The Life Delicious!

Happy New Year!!

I have long suggested we skip resolutions and create rituals (checkout my YouTube video, “Skip resolutions and create rituals!“)

Resolutions have so much pressure and, often, not much longevity.

Rituals – habits, elevated and prioritized – are so much gentler and longer-lasting.

What rituals do you practice to welcome the new year, this opportunity to begin anew?

IMAGE: @aaronjbarr

We love an icy ocean dip (it was -9C in the photo above, brrr!!), and to add another page to our dreambook with goals for the year ahead.

We began our dreambook in 2007. One page for each new year, alternating lines with our goals.

It was so interesting to review 15 years of goals and see consistent shared trends: fitness, adventure, friendship, and rewarding careers – simple pleasures that make a good life.

>>> What simple pleasures make your life good? I would love to hear about them!

Here’s to connecting with our dreams on the daily, and practising the habits that make life good!


Now, onto my Top 3 picks for January 2022:

1. BOOK: Unreconciled: Family, Truth, and Indigenous Resistance by Jesse Wente

I could not put this book down. It’s both an incredible personal story about Wente’s life, an important education on the history of Canada, and a direct and helpful call to action for settlers on how to mend our relationship with Indigenous people.

Highly recommended!

You can read an excerpt of Wente’s book here and listen to his interviews on CBC here.

2. ARTICLE: The Science of Habit – What does it take to stick with something long term? You just have to rewire your brain | Healthline

I was thrilled to be included as an expert in this article on the science of habit alongside neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez and psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner Dr. Tom Kannon.

You’ll learn how habits are formed, the power of “why”, and 10 tools to start a new habit (or break a old one).

3. VIDEOS: Cosmic Kids Yoga | YouTube

As you may know, I am working on my yoga teacher training, and, as you may have experienced if you’re a parent, it can sometimes be tricky to squeeze in exercise when you’re looking after a little one. Last month, we discovered Cosmic Kids yoga and my 4-year-old daughter Bronwyn CAN’T GET ENOUGH! So many of you shared with me on Instagram and Facebook that your kids love this YouTube channel too.

It's really fun to do these together as a family :)

How to form habits that stick in 2022: 10 steps to hardwire healthy habits

(IMAGE: Aaron James Barr)

Empowering women leaders to reclaim their time, rediscover wellness, and rewire their brains for the better.

The Life Delicious is an evidence-based curriculum of sustainable practices – grounded in pleasure – to liberate ourselves and others from suffering.

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by Catherine Roscoe Barr, neuroscience-based wellness coach

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Was it hard for you to be consistent with healthy habits in 2021?

It was hard for me. 

I was grieving some personal losses, working through some physical injuries, still renovating our townhouse (#moneypit), pivoting my business to the online world, trying (and what felt like mostly failing) to be a kick-ass mother and wife – in addition to our collective and heavy experiences of the pandemic, the climate crisis, and social injustice. 

I have felt lonely and languishing and lacking my usual zip. 

There have been, however, many silver linings – and I hope you’ve felt the same.

For me, one of the silver linings has been my work. 

In writing, speaking and coaching, I’m constantly reminded of all the gems I’ve picked up from experts and experience. 

As this year comes to a close, I have so much hope for 2022.

I know that I have the tools to practice better self-care – and therefore better self-regulation (see last week’s post for more on that: Co-Regulation Is The Best Gift You Can Give: 5 Tools To Help You Offer Safety, Love And Connection).

And why would I keep those tools to myself?

I wouldn’t!

Here are 10 steps to hardwire healthy habits, following The Life Delicious’ MAGIC FORMULA:

DISCOVER: BUILD AWARENESS

1. Outer awareness: Why does it matter to you?
Add some fuel to your fire and learn something new about the benefits of your habit. Search for the latest articles, books, podcasts and YouTube videos from trusted sources to build more outer awareness.

2. Inner awareness: Metacognition  
It really excites me when concepts I love become popular, and metacognition – thinking about your thoughts – is so hot right now! Being aware of our thoughts is extremely important because they often slant pretty negative or are completely untrue. Something I want to highlight here in terms of habit formation: the pleasure-pain spectrum:
     Destructive Pain → Constructive Pain (AKA delayed gratification) → Destructive Pleasure (AKA crappy habits) → Constructive Pleasure
                                                            
If you try to adopt a healthy new habit but think of it as “hard”, “uncomfortable” and “time-consuming” you’ll subconsciously define it as painful and in effect be repelled from it, making it so much more difficult to practice. All it takes is a quick reframe to focus on all of the benefits, and at worse define it as a constructive pain, so that you’re drawn to practice it! The same goes for unhealthy habits you want to quit, make sure you see them as they truly are, destructive pleasures, and focus on their negative effects to repel you from them. Which of your habits need redefining today?

DIAGNOSE: IDENTIFY ISSUES

3. Barriers: What barriers are present?
What’s keeping you from practicing the healthy habits you know will serve you? I’ll use my fitness routine as an example. I like to work out before everyone else wakes up but if I don’t plan ahead and leave gear, water, music, etc out the night before it’s easy to talk myself out of it because there’s “too much prep” and it will probably wake everyone up to get everything together. Other barriers are what to wear, which equipment to use, and what to do (which is why I’m a huge fan of naked, barefoot, zero-equipment workouts – check out my YouTube channel for inspiration… and don’t worry, I’m fully clothed in those videos ;)  

4. Boundaries: What boundaries are missing?
What boundaries do you need to put in place to practice the healthy habits you know will serve you? My inner boundary is that I will stick to my fitness schedule and not look at my phone until my AM ritual is complete  (self-trust is so important!), and my outer boundary is that my family knows my early morning practice. 

PRESCRIBE: CREATE PLAN

5. Personal: Personalize habits
Let’s keep going with my fitness routine. It’s so important to do things you find pleasurable (or that you at least recognize bring you pleasure) and personalize them to your life! I’m mostly a lone exerciser and don’t like long distance running, so I focus on doing the things I like, in a timeframe I enjoy (shorter is generally better), usually by myself. 

6. Flexible: Flexible framework (have a schedule!!)
“Being a pro is about having the discipline to commit to what is important to you instead of merely saying something is important to you,” says journalist James Clear in his book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. And pros, he says (and so do I), have a schedule – and stick to it. 

The caveat I’d like to add is having a flexible framework. Back to my fitness example: my schedule is that I strength train on MWF, do cardio on TuTh and Sat/Sun, and also practice yoga 3-5 days per week. My preference is to exercise at 6am, before breakfast (Plan A), but if I miss that (because I’ve had a bad sleep or choose to cuddle in bed instead) I’ll exercise at 11am, before lunch (Plan B), and if I miss that I’ll exercise around 3pm (Plan C). Ideally I’ll work out for 30-60 minutes, but on a rushed day I can just do 5, 10, 15 or 20 minutes and still stick to my schedule of daily exercise. 

PRACTICE: TAKE ACTION

7. Constructive discipline 
What’s your relationship with the word “discipline”? I love it! I’ve loved it ever since I heard kundalini yoga guru Gurmukh’s definition: “Discipline means to be a disciple of your true self that lies within.” Discipline honours your best, true, wise self. The Life Delicious is an evidence-based curriculum of sustainable practices – focused on pleasure and indulgence, rather than pain and deprivation – to liberate ourselves and others from suffering. I like to use the term “constructive discipline” kind of like training wheels (to highlight the pleasure and indulgence angle), if you’re learning to love the word too. 

8. Activation energy
While it does become easier, it may never consistently feel easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy to drag yourself out of bed to exercise on a cold, dark morning. Recognizing the fact that it takes energy and sometimes feels hard makes it easier. Here are 3 sources of inspiration for activation energy:
Glennon Doyle: We can do hard things – yes you can! “We can do hard things. You're not doing life wrong; you're doing it right. If there's any secret you're missing, it's that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that's what they're for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that you're doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes."
The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels: Jeopardy – spoiler alert: there is no magic pill to exonerate you from life’s struggles (once you accept this, life feels a little easier!).
Mel Robbins: The 5 Second Rule – make it easier to do the little things that will improve your life.

PAUSE: EXAMINE RESULTS

9. Self-directed neuroplasticity (hardwire habits)
Only when I began to journal with parameters did I start to experience significant transformation. The work of neuropsychologist Rick Hanson made me understand the science behind why my Mood, Food & Fitness journal changed my life: self-directed neuroplasticity. By reflecting, recording and rating how my thoughts, words and actions made me feel – and then reviewing that document on a weekly and monthly basis – I was slowly rewiring my brain to magnetize it to healthy habits and repel it from healthy habits. Practically magic!
This is probably one of the most overlooked steps to habit formation but one of the MOST IMPORTANT! Don’t skip it. 

10. Intension & Vision
Set daily intentions (how do you want to feel? what do you want to accomplish?), and regularly revisit and revise the vision you have for your life. I am a huge fan of making vision boards and was recently introduced to  psychotherapist Linda Graham’s Wiser Self Meditation, from her book Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster, by my amazing business coach, Brenda Rigney. I had done a future self meditation before but the wiser self meditation was so much more impactful and real to me – I saw, sat with, and talked to the version of myself, 20 years in the future, that has been disciplined and consistent. Wow, it was so real! And incredibly motivating to have seen what’s truly possible for me in the future (rather than something less tangible like my usual experience of goal setting). 

Here’s a quick review of the 10 steps:

Discover: build awareness
   1. Outer awareness: Why does it matter to you?
   2. Inner awareness: Metacognition  
Diagnose: identify issues
   3. Barriers: What barriers are present?
   4. Boundaries: What boundaries are missing?
Prescribe: create plan
   5. Personal: Personalize habits
   6. Flexible: Flexible framework (have a schedule!!)
Practice: take action
   7. Constructive discipline 
   8. Activation energy
Pause: examine results
   9. Self-directed neuroplasticity (hardwire habits)
  10. Intension & Vision



I hope this will help you form habits that stick in 2022 so that you can walk in the footsteps of your wiser self!

Want to create your own personalized plan over a luxurious long weekend at Canada's #1 hotel?

Join me for my all-inclusive, co-ed Wellness Retreat at the Oak Bay Beach Hotel from January 28-31, 2022!

Only a few weeks left to register. 

Co-regulation is the Best Gift You Can Give: 5 tools to help you offer safety, love and connection

(IMAGE: Amanda Paul Photography)

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by Catherine Roscoe Barr, neuroscience-based wellness coach

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This holiday season, my daily intention is to be a generous co-regulator.

Co-regulation is the influence of one nervous system on another, to help regulate, bring into balance, and feel safe. 

It’s basically contagious calm-and-kindness that flows back to us in a positive feedback loop. 

I’m sure, like me, you’ve had the experience of you and your child or partner escalating a negative situation, where one person is dysregulated and the other just adds fuel to the fire.

Co-regulation gives you power to de-escalate a situation and extinguish the fire. 

Co-regulation allows you to offer safety and connection to your distressed loved one.

When we don’t feel safe, our fight, flight or freeze mechanisms are activated and we’re less able to access the higher part of our brain – our prefrontal cortex – reducing our ability to be calm, creative, collaborative and kind.

When we don’t feel safe, we can’t truly connect. 

This heightened and often chronic alertness to threat – triggered by everything from violence, climate crisis and financial stress to criticism, comparison and loneliness – can fracture our social connections. 

Social connections are critical to our well-being. They are the greatest predictor of health and longevity, according to numerous studies [1, 2], and fill our lives with love and meaning. 


SELF-REGULATION

Only by self-regulating can we offer co-regulation to others, so that we can connect in a state of safety, calm and kindness. 

“If you are in fight or flight, you won’t be able to do the most important thing, which is to stay open and connect,” says psychiatrist Julie Holland in her book Good Chemistry: The Science of Connection, from Soul to Psychedelics [3].
 
In order to regulate our nervous systems, we must practice maintaining inner balance by regularly – and intentionally – returning to a state of rest following a state of stress.     

“Living systems maintain inner balance, harmony, and order through their capacity to self-regulate via feedback loops between particular functions and systems,” says the founder of MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) Jon Kabat-Zinn in his book Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness [4]. 

“Self-regulation is the process whereby a system maintains stability of functioning and, at the same time adaptability to new circumstances,” says Kabat-Zinn. 


OPPORTUNITIES TO OFFER CO-REGULATION

As parents, our co-regulation teaches our children how to self-regulate in new and challenging situations – a skill critical to personal and professional success throughout life.

As partners, our co-regulation can help soothe our beloved’s worries and tension, and open the door to intimacy. 

As leaders, our co-regulation can help diffuse our client’s or employee’s disagreements and insecurities, and provide the neural environment for collaboration and creativity.  

As citizens, our co-regulation can offer flustered strangers a micro-moment of love [5], changing the trajectory of their day toward more calm and kindness. 

“Across multiple dimensions and types of relationships, research shows that we can, with the proper attitude and intention toward co-regulation, have a stabilizing effect on the emotions and health of others,” says a recent Psychology Today article [6].


VAGAL TONE & RESILIENCE

This stabilizing effect comes from our ability to engage our autonomic nervous system by activating our vagus nerve – practices that we’ll explore together below. 

“Your autonomic nervous system constantly scans the environment, including your social environment, for cues of safety, danger, or threat to your physical survival or psychological well-being,” says psychotherapist Linda Graham in her book Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster [7].

The autonomic nervous system is part of the peripheral nervous system and comprises the sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system (see NERVOUS SYSTEM diagram below).

The vagus nerve makes up the bulk of parasympathetic nerve fibres – 80% of which are afferent, meaning they relay sensory information from the body to the brain (whereas efferent nerves relay information from the brain to the body).

The vagus nerve innervates the gut, heart, lungs, throat and facial muscles – and through our breath, voice, engagement, intention and physicality we can send messages of safety to our own nervous system, and then offer the same to others. 

Vagal tone describes the activity of your vagus nerve. 

“Your heart rate speeds up a bit when you inhale and slows down a bit when you exhale. This is the pattern that reflects your vagal tone, the strength or condition of your vagus nerve,” says psychology professor and researcher Barbara Fredrickson in her book Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection [8].  
 
“People with higher vagal tone, science has shown, are more flexible across a whole host of domains – physical, mental, and social,” says Fredrickson. “They simply adapt better to their ever shifting circumstances, albeit completely at nonconscious levels. Physically, they regulate their internal bodily processes more efficiently, like their glucose levels and inflammation. Mentally, they’re better able to regulate their attention and emotions, even their behaviour. Socially, they are especially skillful in navigating interpersonal interactions and in forging positive connections with others. By definition, then, they experience more micro-moments of love.”
 
In a word, people with higher vagal tone are more resilient. 
 
Resilience is our ability to cope with and recover from adversity, whether physical or psychological.


USE YOUR BRAKE TO SELF-REGULATE

A great analogy is to think of the sympathetic nervous system as our accelerator and the parasympathetic nervous system as our brake. 

We have control of these pedals – to help us speed up or slow down – and through building our own control, we can offer this skill to others. 

We need energy and forward motion to meet our needs and achieve our goals, but we don’t want to go so fast that we’re out of control (fight-or-flight).

We need rest and stillness to meet our needs and recover, but we don’t want to be immobilized or disconnected (freeze-or-faint).

Deb Dana – clinical social worker, coordinator of the Kinsey Institute Traumatic Stress Research Consortium and founding member of The Polyvagal Institute – introduced me to the concept of blended states [9] (see NERVOUS SYSTEM diagram below for reference):

1. Ventral-Sympathetic (playful, passionate, productive)

2. Ventral-Dorsal (“sacred still”, awe, contemplative)

3. Sympathetic-Dorsal (fearful but frozen)

We want to be grounded in our “social engagement system” (ventral vagal activation) where we feel safe and connected – so we can offer this to others via co-regulation.

We can do this with the following practices that stimulate our vagus nerve and help us self-regulate.

5 TOOLS TO HELP YOU OFFER SAFETY, LOVE AND CONNECTION


1. Breathing meditation

The diaphragm is my favourite muscle in the human body!

It’s a muscle that unconsciously does its work, via the autonomic nervous system, but it’s also under our conscious control.

By slowing down and expanding your inhale (via diaphragm contraction) and exhaling completely (via internal intercostals and abdominals) – both through your nose – you can not only activate your rest-and-digest response, you can increase your lung capacity (which has been shown to increase longevity).

Breathing is so hot right now! From James Nestor’s book Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art [10] to The Wim Hof Method [11], many different techniques are out there for you to investigate.

Here’s a simple one to begin with.

>>> THE PRACTICE: BIG SLOW INHALE, BIGGER SLOW EXHALE

1. Sit in a comfortable position with a long neutral spine, cross-legged with your sit bones slightly elevated (by a cushion or folded blanket) or seated in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.

2. Inhale in 3-dimensions, as deep, wide and tall as you can (especially into the back of your ribs).

3. Exhale in 3-dimensions as though you were first shrink-wrapping your pelvic floor up, then shrink-wrapping your transverse abdominis toward your spine (like a corset tightening evenly around your waist), then shrink-wrapping your ribs toward your spine (this order is important).

4. Breathe this way a few times and once you’ve got the hang of this expansive 3D expansion and contraction, begin to lengthen both your inhale and your exhale, making your exhale a few seconds longer than your inhale – working from a ratio of 3:6 to 5:8 to 7:10 and 9:12.

5. Lastly, take a few breaths without forcing the inhale or exhale, noticing the greater capacity of your breaths, and feeling the relaxation this practice brings you.

2. Move your body

Moderate physical activity that feels good stimulates healthy parasympathetic activation, so get your body moving – whether it’s a walk, dance, run, swim, bike or yoga practice!

Every minute counts, so just do something even if you only have 5 minutes.

You can also move your (regulated!) body toward those you love and offer a hug, a back rub, or a shoulder massage.

I love to have a good long spoon with my husband at the end of a hard day! Even if we’re both a bit frazzled, a lengthy cuddle almost always helps us drop into a place of regulation.

>>> THE PRACTICES: MOVEMENT AND TOUCH

1. Move your body to help achieve self-regulation.

2. Use your body to offer co-regulation through loving physical touch.

3. Emotional intelligence

“All those seeking to heal – or to remain healthy – need to reclaim the lost capacity for emotional truth-recognition,” says trauma, addiction, stress and childhood development expert Dr. Gabor Maté in his must-read book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress [12].

Indeed, our ability to recognize and manage our emotions – our emotional intelligence – is absolutely critical to our physical and psychological well-being.

"Experiencing a broad spectrum of emotions is adaptive and beneficial to health because it means having a more balanced and nuanced appraisal of daily life,” say the authors of a new study on emodiversity.[13]. “Emodiversity is a term used to describe rich and balanced emotions. Emodiversity was broken into 13 positive emotions: cheerful, in good spirits, extremely happy, calm and peaceful, satisfied, full of life, enthusiastic, attentive, proud, active, close to others, belonging and confident, as well as 14 negative emotions: worthlessness, nervous, restless or fidgety, hopeless, afraid, jittery, irritable, ashamed, upset, lonely, angry, frustrated, that everything is an effort and so sad that nothing could cheer you up.”

And, says a recent article in The Atlantic [14], “Psychologists say that people who exhibit emodiversity—the capacity to experience a lot of emotions—are better able to regulate themselves.”

In his book The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work [15], happiness researcher Shawn Achor says, “Experiments show that when people are primed to feel high levels of distress, the quickest to recover are those who can identify how they are feeling and put those feelings into words. Brain scans show verbal information almost immediately diminishes the power of these negative emotions, improving well-being and enhancing decision making skills.”

>>> THE PRACTICE: EMOTIONAL EXPLORATION

• Boost your emotional diversity and intelligence by identifying and expressing how you feel in the moment (even if only silently in your head – “I feel angry” or “I feel proud”) and by writing down in your journal a “balanced and nuanced appraisal of daily life” a few days per week.

4. Somatic intelligence

Notice what your body is communicating to you.

“Embodiment is a prerequisite for peace and joy,” says Holland in Good Chemistry. “That negative voice in your head isn’t the truth. The truth is in your body. ”

Do you feel safe and secure, or anxious and on alert?

Where are you holding tension?

Is that tension from anger or worry? Or is it from sitting too long and not stretching enough?

“[The] practises of breath, touch, movement, and visualization [help] strengthen your somatic intelligence so that you learn to recognize, interpret, and manage the signals sent by your nervous system to your higher brain,” says Graham. “You can return to your baseline physiological state of well-being – your range of resilience, your window of tolerance, your equanimity.”

>>> THE PRACTICE: BODY SCAN MEDITATION

1. Sit in a comfortable position with a long neutral spine, cross-legged with your sit bones slightly elevated (by a cushion or folded blanket) or seated in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.

2. Spend one inhale and exhale mentally visiting each part of your body, from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes, as you “recognize, interpret, and manage the signals”

3. Talk to your body about the tension you are feeling, and release it, so that you can return to your baseline physiological state of well-being.

5. Be present

Get off your device, arrive in the present moment, and get in sync!

“A central mechanism underpinning human sociality is biobehavioral synchrony, the human capacity to coordinate physiological processes between interactive partners during moments of social contact, including the coordination of heart rhythms, hormonal release, neural oscillations and brain activations,” says a new study in the Journal of Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience [16]. “A key tenet of the biobehavioral synchrony model is that physiological coordination is triggered in a bottom-up way and depends on the coordination of social action, such as motor activity, facial mimicking or the synchrony of nonverbal interactive signals, including shared gaze, joint laugh or mutual expression of positive affect and that such behavioral synchrony provides the template for the synchrony of neural processes.”

We can’t synchronize with each other if we’re immersed with our devices, plus stressful messages, bad news and the perceived social isolation exacerbated by social media [17] can activate our fight-or-flight response, putting us in a state of dysregulation.

“Just as with couples, children want to feel seen, heard, and understood. You can use mirroring and validating language to help with this,” says Holland in Good Chemistry.

>>> THE PRACTICE: BIOBEHAVIORAL SYNCHRONY

• When you’re in the company of others you care about, create the circumstances for biobehavioral synchrony to flourish:

  • Put away your device

  • Make eye contact

  • Make physical contact, if appropriate

  • Smile genuinely

  • Maintain relaxed, engaged and open posture

  • Use mirroring and validating language

I hope these tools will help you be a generous co-regulator too!

By offering safety, love and connection to others, we can uplift our most important relationships – and improve our own lives at the same time. 

REFERENCES:
1. Susan Pinker, TED2017: The secret to living longer may be your social life
2. Robert Waldinger, TEDxBeaconStreet: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness
3. Good Chemistry: The Science of Connection, from Soul to Psychedelics by Julie Holland
4. Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn
5. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson explains why shared positive emotions matter for Greater Good Magazine
6. Psychology Today: Improve Your Relationships by Using This One Skill
7. Resilience: Powerful Practices for Bouncing Back from Disappointment, Difficulty, and Even Disaster by Linda Graham
8. Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection by Barbara Fredrickson
9. Sounds True Podcast with Deb Dana on Befriending Your Nervous System
10. Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor
11. The Wim Hof Method
12. When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté
13. ScienceDaily: There’s a bright side to being a ‘Debbie Downer’
14. The Atlantic: The Benefits of Emodiversity
15. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work by Shawn Achor
16. Journal of Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience: The integration of social and neural synchrony: a case for ecologically valid research using MEG neuroimaging
17. Psychology Today: Face-to-Face Connectedness, Oxytocin, and Your Vagus Nerve

TLD Intel: December 2021

Intelligence: the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.

TLD Intel: a monthly roundup of events, articles, books, videos and podcasts to help you live The Life Delicious!

Hello December! 

I know you’re busy so let’s get right to my TOP 3 PICKS:

1. ARTICLE: Cycling is ten times more important than electric cars for reaching net-zero cities  |  The Conversation

“Tackling the climate and air pollution crises requires curbing all motorised transport, particularly private cars, as quickly as possible. Focusing solely on electric vehicles is slowing down the race to zero emissions. This is partly because electric cars aren’t truly zero-carbon – mining the raw materials for their batteries, manufacturing them and generating the electricity they run on produces emissions. Transport is one of the most challenging sectors to decarbonise due to its heavy fossil fuel use and reliance on carbon-intensive infrastructure – such as roads, airports and the vehicles themselves – and the way it embeds car-dependent lifestyles. One way to reduce transport emissions relatively quickly, and potentially globally, is to swap cars for cycling, e-biking and walking – active travel, as it’s called.”

I mentioned active transportation last week in Environmental Stewardship as a Spiritual Practice. It’s something that’s good for your wellbeing and the world!  

It can feel overwhelming to have an all-or-nothing mindset about things, so just like the small shifts in behaviour we practice in The Life Delicious curriculum, why not try to add just a few active transports during the week? 

My husband, Aaron, and I are trying to do one weekly school drop-off each on foot with the dog (a 90-minute trip), and when the weather permits, we take the tandem bike to school. 

I also LOVE to get a nice treat on the weekends and we usually turn it into a family walk (the closest bakery is 4.5km round trip, and the closest ice cream shop is 5km round trip).

What can you do to reduce your carbon foot print that will also boost your mental and physical health? 

2. ARTICLE: Taking it easy as you get older? Wrong. Age actively, Harvard researchers say  |  Harvard Gazette

Yes, yes, yes! “Because we evolved to be active throughout our lives, our bodies need physical activity to age well.”

I think this is such an important fact to know because, for me at least, it’s highly motivating and helps me keep my regular exercise routine (even if it's only 10 minutes – see below).

I have shared the incredible work of Harvard Medical School psychiatry professor John Ratey before. He’s the author of two fantastic books – Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain and Go Wild: Free Your Body and Mind from the Afflictions of Civilization – and has a great TED Talk called Run, Jump, Learn! How Exercise can Transform our Schools, and this is exactly what he preaches: that our body, and especially our brain, needs us to be physically activity (in some shape or form) every day.

“Just about everyone knows that exercise is good for you. Some people can even rattle off reasons it keeps your muscles and joints strong, and how it fights off certain diseases. But how many people can tell you the story of why and how physical activity was built into human biology?

“A team of evolutionary biologists and biomedical researchers from Harvard are taking a run at it (sometimes literally) in a new study published this week in PNAS. The work lays out evolutionary and biomedical evidence showing that humans, who evolved to live many decades after they stopped reproducing, also evolved to be relatively active in their later years.

“The researchers say that physical activity later in life shifts energy away from processes that can compromise health and toward mechanisms in the body that extend it. They hypothesize that humans evolved to remain physically active as they age — and in doing so to allocate energy to physiological processes that slow the body’s gradual deterioration over the years. This guards against chronic illnesses such as cardiovascular disease, Type 2 diabetes, and even some cancers.

“The key take-home point is that because we evolved to be active throughout our lives, our bodies need physical activity to age well. In the past, daily physical activity was necessary in order to survive, but today we have to choose to exercise, that is to do voluntary physical activity for the sake of health and fitness,” Lieberman said.

“The researchers’ advice? Get out of your chair and get some exercise. “The key is to do something, and to try to make it enjoyable so you’ll keep doing it,” Lieberman said. “The good news is that you don’t need to be as active as a hunter-gatherer. Even small amounts of physical activity — just 10 or 20 minutes a day —substantially lower your risk of mortality.”

Just 10 or 20 minutes a day! You can do it!!

3. ARTICLE: Is communal living the future of parenting? An intriguing new movement is experimenting with the kind of co-living that defined families for millennia  |  The Guardian

“‘I grew up poor, with all the hell that came along with that,’ [says Prophet Walker]. ‘The thing that kept my sanity was the community around me, and what struck me was that even living in those housing projects, there was real, legitimate joy. Belly laughs, you know?’

"His North Star? To make communal living more prevalent in a country where the nuclear family has long been mistakenly idealized. In 2017, after graduating with a degree from Loyola Marymount’s engineering school, Walker teamed up with Joe Green, a Santa Monica-raised Harvard graduate who’s collaborated with tech glitterati like Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker of Napster fame. An odd couple if there ever was one, Walker and Green co-founded Treehouse, based in the Hollywood neighborhood of LA.

"It’s the first ever building in the city constructed from the ground up with the specific purpose of serving a communal audience and Walker envisions it as the first of a multi-national network of Treehouses that will redefine how we live. A grand vision, but an important one. Treehouse inhabitants enjoy weekly suppers, communal working space and the comfort that their co-residents share the five Treehouse core values: being kind, present, curious, responsible and candid.”

As a toddler mother and solo entrepreneur without family nearby and a husband who works long hours in film, I am wondering where do I get on the Treehouse waitlist?!

I am very fortunate to have a little slice of Treehouse in the townhouse complex we moved to right before the pandemic. We know nearly all of our neighbours, have made some incredible friends, and feel more support than we’ve felt in any neighborhood we’ve ever lived in (and obviously it’s harder to give and accept support, and gather together, while we try to annihilate this nasty virus). 

But I’m ready to take it to the next level! Even before we had our daughter we long joked about communal living with our close friends, and now I’m wondering how many others have decided to actually do this, and what it feels like?

Thoughts?




MOVEMENT and CONNECTION are 2 of The Life Delicious’ 5 pillars of wellness, in addition to MINDSET, NUTRITION and SLEEP.

The Life Delicious is applied neuroscience for everyday wellness, empowering women leaders to reclaim their time and rediscover wellness!

I hope the articles above will give you some food for thought and help fuel your everyday wellness.

Best,
Catherine

Environmental Stewardship as a Spiritual Practice: 5 habits to elevate your wellbeing & the world

“Transform yourself to transform the world.”
~ Grace Lee Boggs, activist and philosopher 

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by Catherine Roscoe Barr, neuroscience-based wellness coach

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I hope you are taking good care of yourself during these unprecedented times.

Resilience is the ability to withstand difficult situations – a quality we must focus on developing and maintaining now more than ever.

Here in BC, the recent mudslides and floods have displaced thousands of families, destroyed homes and businesses, and resulted in the loss of life for people and animals.

With climate change, the Covid-19 pandemic, social injustice, and some personal stuff weighing heavily on me, I have spent much time lately contemplating how to remain grounded, present and hopeful when life feels overwhelming.

I believe that so many of the world’s problems are a direct result of disconnection from our humanity – the lack of daily practices that connect us with kindness and compassion for ourselves, each other, and the planet.

As Alanis Morissette says in Ablaze (one my favourite songs ever), “You may be overcome with darkness and a sense of hopelessness, but it won't matter if you keep the core connected to the oneness.”

Now is the time to keep connected to the oneness by putting sustainable practices in place, for our collective wellbeing and for our world.

The great news is that it’s a 2-for-1 deal – much of what makes us healthier (and more resilient) will make our planet healthier too!

I’ve adopted the mindset of environmental stewardship as a spiritual practice.

This mindset helps keep me motivated and consistent.

A spiritual practice is an intentional activity to deepen the relationship with your highest self and connect with universal oneness.

Environmental stewardship is “the responsible use and protection of the natural environment through conservation and sustainable practices to enhance ecosystem resilience and human wellbeing.”

Sustainable practices are actions that we’re able to maintain for the harmonious coexistence of Earth’s biosphere and human civilization.

Here are 5 sustainable practices to start now, to elevate both your wellbeing and the world:


1. FOOD: Eating real, fresh whole foods are critical to mental and physical health

• Shop local, seasonal and organically-grown to reduce your carbon footprint (I know, avocados and bananas are delicious, but should you be eating them regularly if they have to travel 3,000km to 5,000km to get to you?)

• Reduce food waste – did you know that a third of all food produced worldwide is wasted each year? Crazy! (read 10 Food-Saving Tips From Just Eat It: A Food Waste Story, a Vancouver International Film Festival Impact Award winner)

2. WATER: Even mild dehydration affects mood, focus, metabolism and digestion, so drink up!

• Don’t drink bottled water. Just don’t. (Unless, of course, you live in a community with drinking water advisories)

• Don’t waste water (shorten your showers, ditch grass for native plants in your yard, and repurpose when possible – if there are glasses or water bottles with leftovers in my home at the end of the day, I use them to water my houseplants)

3. CLOTHING: Reduce, reuse and recycle to beautify your exterior

• Avoid fast fashion (read this post on Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion by Elizabeth L. Cline)

• Invest in ethical designers and shop second-hand (exchange children’s clothes with friends and neighbours!)

4. SHELTER: Spark joy with a tidy, thoughtful, minimalist home

• Invest in long-term home furnishings, decor, and electronics (planned obsolescence is a gigantic asshole, and call me a curmudgeon but all of the disposable plastic Halloween, Christmas and Easter crap makes me rage)

• Reduce electricity consumption (read 21 no-cost ways to save electricity)

5. TRANSPORTATION: Walk, run or bike for mood-boosting green exercise!

• Utilize public transportation and active transportation (i.e. “human-powered forms of travel, such as walking, cycling, in-line skating, skateboarding, skiing, canoeing, etc.”)

• Use gas sparingly (chunk errands, travel wisely)

This holiday season, choose experiences over things, and give gifts to elevate your wellbeing and the world!

Give others your presence instead of presents, with outdoor adventures and festive gatherings (with a select few of your fully vaxed friends)!

And for yourself, why not invest in an immersive wellness experience dedicated to developing daily practices that connect you with kindness and compassion for yourself, others, and the planet?

Registration for my Oak Bay Beach Hotel Wellness Retreat (from January 28-31, 2022) is open until January 14, 2022.

Take care! The world needs you to be well.

Best,
Catherine

TLD Intel: October 2021 – Truth & Reconciliation Resources for Allies

If you live in Canada, you know that we recently observed a new federal holiday on September 30, the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation.

As allies to our indigenous neighbours, I feel it's our responsibility to be informed, so this month I'm sharing a number of articles, videos, podcasts and books I've found impactful and important – for both adults and kids.

From the Government of Canada's website:

"The day honours the lost children and Survivors of residential schools, their families and communities.

"Public commemoration of the tragic and painful history and ongoing impacts of residential schools is a vital component of the reconciliation process.

"There were 140 federally run Indian Residential Schools which operated in Canada between 1831 and 1998.

"The last school closed only 23 years ago. Survivors advocated for recognition and reparations and demanded accountability for the lasting legacy of harms caused.

"The Truth and Reconciliation Commission ran from 2008 to 2015 and provided those directly or indirectly affected by the legacy of the Indian Residential Schools policy with an opportunity to share their stories and experiences.

"The National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation has become the permanent archive for the statements, documents and other materials the Commission gathered, and its library and collections are the foundation for ongoing learning and research.

The Commission released its final report detailing 94 calls to action. The National Day for Truth and Reconciliation is a direct response to Call to Action 80, which called for a federal statutory day of commemoration."

1. PODCAST: Jesse Wente on The Current with Matt Galloway | CBC Radio



2. ONLINE COURSE: Deyen – An Invitation to Transform: Canadian History Through the Lens of Indigenous Women



3. VIDEO: What is reconciliation? | CBC Kids News
 


4. ARTICLE: How To Talk To Kids About The National Day For Truth And Reconciliation | CBC Parents



5. ARTICLE: Wearing orange shirts on September 30 is a great start—but you can do more | Today's Parent



6. ARTICLE: The Truth and Reconciliation Commission's 94 Calls to Action | Government of Canada



7. VIDEO: The Honourable Murray Sinclair, Queen’s University Chancellor and former chair of Canada’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission on the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation



8. PODCAST: TELUS Talks with Tamara Taggart



9. ARTICLE: Murray Sinclair on reconciliation, anger, unmarked graves—and a headline for this story | Maclean's 



10. VIDEO: Truth and Reconciliation | Kevin Lamoureux | TEDxUniversityofWinnipeg



11. ARTICLE: Journalist Jesse Wente has spent a lifetime being uncomfortable. Join him, won’t you? | The Globe and Mail 



12. BOOKS: 48 books by Indigenous writers to read to understand residential schools | CBC

5 Tips To Reclaim Your Time

Empowering Women Leaders to
Reclaim Their Time & Rediscover Wellness

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Are you ready to reclaim your time?

Imagine how you would feel.

Imagine what you could do!



You could wake up, refreshed, before everyone.

You could move your body with careful, unrushed attention. 

You could slowly savour a whole hot cup of coffee.

You could lose yourself in a beloved hobby.

You could get into deep focus at work.

You could unwind in a hot bath, cocooned in peace and quiet. 

You could relax with your family without the pressure of time constraints. 

You could enjoy a nourishing meal, lingering around the table over meaningful conversation. 



If any of that sounds lovely, I hope you'll apply the 5 tips below to reclaim your time – so you can have more space to do the things that make you feel more energized and joyful!

And if you want to go deeper, I hope you’ll join me for one of my Wellness Retreats or Women’s Coaching Circles, or book me to speak at your workplace or conference.

1. Add wellness to your calendar

Just as you would a meeting or medical appointment, input workouts, meditation, meal prep, and bubble baths (or whatever you know is necessary for serenity and satisfaction) into your calendar app. 

It's easy to skip things we don't prioritize. Putting self-care in your calendar is prioritizing it – not only so you see it and do it, but so that no one else can take that time away from you. 

And don't forget relationship-care! Add uninterrupted family time, meal time, nature adventures, and date nights to your calendar too. 

2. Use the Pomodoro Technique

I first learned of this great time-management technique years ago from publication coach Daphne Gray-Grant, who learned of it through a Wall Street Journal article. 

The Pomodoro Technique uses a timer shaped like a tomato (pomodoro is Italian for tomato) to track 25-minute increments of uninterrupted, focused work. 

I just use the timer on my phone or computer in increments of 25 to 90 minutes – generally 45 minutes, depending on the task at hand.

I usually break my workday up into 3 morning "Pomodoros" of 45 minutes separated by 5- to 10-minute movement breaks where I stretch, or do a quickie workout, or a quickie cleanup (put on a load of laundry, or empty the dishwasher, or vacuum), followed by 1 or 2 Pomodoros of 45 minutes, separated by movement breaks, in the afternoon before calling it a day. 

I get so much done in so little time! It's amazing. 

I use this technique in my personal life too (more of turning distractions off, less of actually timing it), to create uninterrupted, focused periods of time with my husband and daughter. 

All you need to do is set a timer and turn off all distractions to focus on the task at hand – whether it’s writing copy, joining a meeting, or having dinner with your children. 

3. Honour inner boundaries

When it comes to keeping promises to yourself ("I'm going to work out 3 times a week" or "I'm not going to look at my phone after 8pm") make them short, simple and specific so they’re impossible not to keep.

I have always been a fan of small, achievable goals, which is why the close of my online and in-person events always includes a 3-part personalized plan with short, simple and specific actions. 

Says Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, “When you start with small, achievable steps you can easily master, it reinforces your belief that you can easily improve."

Honouring your inner boundaries builds self-trust and pride, which both add fuel to the fire of MOTIVATION.

“Authentic pride is the reason for intrinsic motivation," says Jessica Tracy, author of Take Pride: Why the Deadliest Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success.

On the flipside, neglecting your inner boundaries is a real time suck.

Not only are you wasting precious time thinking about the thing you're not doing – and then wasting more time doubting yourself – when it comes to self-care and relationship-care, a lack of healthy habits makes you much less productive and focused so you're spending more time on simple, much-less-important tasks, when that time should be going toward your serenity, joy, energy and satisfaction!

Self-belief is served by honouring your inner boundaries. 

“When you make an agreement and you don’t keep it, you undermine your own self-trust,” says David Allen, author of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity.

4. Script outer boundaries

Get clear on your time boundaries and then create a short, clear and definitive script so it’s easy for you to speak them to others.

“Sorry, I don’t work on the weekends.”

“Sorry, I simply don’t have time.”

“Sorry, my schedule is full."

My serene, joyful, energized, satisfying schedule is FULL of very long spans of quiet, disconnected time.

(Is it too Canadian to preface everything with "sorry"?!)

5. Take a sacred pause

When we never take time to pause and reflect, and we’re always go-go-go, it feels like time is scarce and always getting away from us.

Although it might seem counterintuitive, creating space between things actually EXPANDS time.

I learned the beautiful phrase "sacred pause" from Jack Kornfield via Tara Brach, and it's something to absolutely try weaving throughout your day. 

Pausing gives us the space and time to reflect, be reminded of our intensions, listen to our inner wisdom, and calm our nervous systems, so that when we begin the next thing – whether it’s an important conversation, a work task, or precious family time – we’re more calm, present and focused. 

We get more out of life when we make time to pause. 

I hope these tips will serve you!

TLD Intel: September 2021

Intelligence: the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.

TLD Intel: a monthly roundup of events, articles, books, videos and podcasts to help you live The Life Delicious!

Hello September!

My favourite month of the year.

It's got January's fresh-start vibes, but with less pressure and more sunshine! 

I hope you'll dig into these helpful resources below:

• a TEDtalk "highlighting why revitalizing Indigenous education sits at the center of a better diet and healthier relationship with the planet"
  

• an article with 10 shortcuts to "captivate and enliven" your relationships
  

• a totally fascinating and informative podcast about breathing

But first: a reminder that next Thursday is the deadline to join my Fall 2021 Women's Coaching Circle! 

From September 15 to December 1, you, me and 4 more extraordinary women will embark on 12-week journey to help you reestablish boundaries so that you can have more joy, happiness and ease; and rediscover wellness through simple tools to help you sleep better, get fit, and feel nourished.

We will apply The Life Delicious' magic formula – Discover → Diagnose → Prescribe → Practice – as we work our way through the 5-pillar curriculum: Mindset, Movement, Nutrition, Sleep and Relationships.

This proven approach ensures the content is both highly specific to your life AND highly manageable for your lifestyle, so that you'll be motivated to take CONSISTENT ACTION, resulting in lasting change. 

This is not just another course. 

It's an integrated system to help you take charge of your time and energy, with simple strategies to weave wellbeing back into your life. 

Working with me is liking having your own personal trainer, life coach, sleep coach, menu-planning coach, and mindset coach all rolled into one!

With just 5 spots per circle, this highly personalized journey will not only give you the tools to be better rested, less stressed, and more nourished, but the strategies to actually practice them – so you're guaranteed to experience significant change. 

If you struggle with prioritizing your health and wellbeing, this program is for you. 

Registration closes in 7 days. Click here to reclaim your time and rediscover wellness! 

Have questions about my Women's Coaching Circle?
Book a discovery call with me to learn more! 

Now to this month's roundup. I'm jazzed about these resources and hope you'll dig in if they resonate.
Happy reading/listening/watching!

1. VIDEO: Sean Sherman's TEDtalk, Why aren't there more Native American restaurants?

This is such an interesting and important talk!

"No matter where we are, we're standing on indigenous land. And so we should have a really good, strong sense of Native American food because it's just the land that we're on. It's just the history of the land that we're on," says author (of The Sioux Chef's Indigenous Kitchen), restaurant owner and chef, Sean Sherman. 

"So for us, it became more than just serving foods. It really became talking about it and talking about why it isn't here. And I think it's a really important story for us to know. And it's also really important to see the benefit of why understanding Indigenous foods could really help all of us in the future."


2. ARTICLE: Improve Your Relationships by Using This One Skill

I discovered this article recently when I was researching co-regulation – between parent and child, and between partners. 

Did you know: "Research in recent years distinguishes between co-dysregulation and coregulation, in which one person either amplifies or calms the emotions of another"?

With anyone, you have the power to escalate or deescalate emotions, so you can connect on a deeper and more meaningful level.

This article offers 10 shortcuts to "becoming an awesome listener and thereby improving your relationships."


3. PODCAST: The Gabby Reece Show – The Power of Breathing to Enhance Performance, Relieve Stress and Anxiety, and Improve Sleep with James Nestor

Oh my goodness, this was such a fascinating conversation! First of all, Gabby Reece always has a fantastic lineup of guests – this is one of my go-to podcasts. Secondly, I learned so much from listening to her conversation with James Nestor, the author of Breath: The new science of a lost art. 

In a nutshell, mouth breathing is very bad indeed, and you should stop immediately if it's something that you do. 

This episode gets into "the why and the how of breathing: breathing for performance, recovery, managing stress and anxiety, better sleep, and avoiding long term illness."

Definitely worth a listen!

What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above resources!

Wishing you a sense of expansive time – enough time to fit in the things that bring you joy!

Best,

Catherine

P.S. Don't forget, if you're ready to become empowered to reclaim your time and rediscover wellness, the Women's Coaching Circle is for you! Click here to register. 

P.P.S. Check out what alumni have to say about The Life Delicious: